A wedding on a sunny Sunday

I attended my cousins brother's wedding last weekend. It was pretty joyful and happening where i got to meet most of my relatives.

At the groom's house.

Me and MK ~ How's our new look?

Me and my lovely sister ~ She said she is Jolin Cai (Taiwanese singer) number two! What do you think?

Two of my handsome cousins ~ CJ and Chun Xiong

My uncles and daddy (third from the left)

My aunties and mum (second from the left ~ back)

Here's the bride and the groom ~ Grant and Eve.

My family with Grant and Eve.

Group picture.

We didn't seem to look at the camera as they were too many cameras at one time when this picture was taken. Lol

How can i not take a picture with my best travel mates? Aren't we looking much more better? London seems to treat us badly. Lol

MK, my sister and i were the receptionists at the wedding dinner because of our oustanding look. Lol. Don't you agree?

Me and my sister

Can anyone tell me who are these two pretty ladies?? Anyone? Lol

We tried to take as many pictures as we can before the arrival of the guests. Haha...

Receptionist 1. Miss Faye.

Receptionist 2. Miss MK.

Receptionist 3. Miss Feiyong! Oh! I looked so swollen in this picture. :( Who's the photographer of this picture? It's Miss Faye!!!! Pig!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the arrival of the three gorgeous receptionist!!

Don't ask us what we were doing! It's dodgy!

The stage.

My cousins, sister and i enjoying the delicious food.

My cousin in law ~ Eve, is the most happiest bride on that day. My cousin brother surprised her by singing a song and giving her 99 roses. What would you ask for more?

What is marriage? A legal contract to bind two persons? A symbol of undying love? You must love that person so much to decide spending the rest of your life with him/her. How can this last?

Not everyone is blessed in love. However, i pray that Grant and Eve will live happily ever after.

What about you Feiyong? Where's your love?

I don't know...i wonder if i ever find that person in my life. Which one is the best? To love or be loved? If both of you are in love, that's the best...

I shouldn't ask for more as we both love each other? Don't we? Or, i am deceiving myself again? You never love me before?

May god bless all of you to find someone that you can hold your hand till the end of the day...

不捨

Regardless of the tears that dropped, disillusions that stabbed at my heart. I am still thinking of you. I don't believe and refuse to believe what had happened.

If i were wise enough, i should have made the decision long time ago. I choose to be dumb.

I am deceiving myself.

I need someone to give me a real slap, to wake me up from this dream that will never come true.

不管泪流了多少，
心痛了几回，
都不能将你逐出脑海，
我蒙蔽了双眼，
欺骗着自己，
沉倾在一个永不会实现的梦，

心不捨，放不开，
因为我已爱上你。。。

I quit

I am not feeling well lately. Feeling giddy and dizzy. My head is spinning around constantly. It must be the consequences of stretching myself to the maximum over the last few days in London. My body seems to protest violently. Yeah...i will see the doctor asap, okie? Lol

It's a bright and sunny morning. The sky is so blue and the bird is chirping. However, it doesn't seem to bring peacefulness to my heart.

I had a sleepless night. My minds keep flashing what you have done. Whenever i think of that, my heart weeps and bleeds.

Standing in the coldness, weeping and waiting is not the worst. Ditching my calls and texts knowingly regardless how tearful i am in wanting you to get back to me is the worst nightmare for me.

I am just a fool. Never ever realizing you are merely seeking for a company to satisfy your selfishness and loneliness. I am too naive to believe you will cherish me with all your heart.

Would you stop breaking my heart? I owe nothing to you! Nothing! I don't deserve all these!!!

As you wish.

I quit.

This should be the best christmas present for you and me.

How would you feel?

Imagine when you really liked someone and would like to do stuff together with him, only realizing he never considers you to be part of his plan? How would you feel?

Imagine when someone told you he likes you and wants to spend time with you, you thought he meant getting a girlfriend. After falling for him, you realize he might just want to find a company to satisfy his selfishness and loneliness. How would you feel?

Imagine when you liked someone and would like to stay in touch. After reading the email that he sent, knowing that he doesn't want to stay touched, knowing that he won't seem to put any efforts, knowing that if you don't put efforts, the feelings will be gone, how would you feel?

Imagine if you were me writing this heart broken entry, you couldn't weep as the tears were dried, how would you feel?

How would you feel?

I will and i won't

A friend told me to pursue what i want.

If you know that there won't be any happiness at the end, how i can pursue what i want? If you know that you are the only one who is putting the efforts, how i can pursue what i want?

I will learn to put on a mask. A mask to hide my emotions.

I will imprison all my passion, as you will not cherish.

I won't think of you anymore, as you are not thinking of me...

Back home

Yes...i am back to Malaysia.

It's bloody hot and humid.

I start missing the weather in London.

I am still very fatigue and fragile.

A bit insecure and lost, wondering where i am heading.

So much to share with you guys!

Just be patient.

I will tell you my stories one by one.

Tired

I am really tired.

Still packing my stuff back home.

I thought things get better but it isn't the case.

The difference will always be there if you don't change.

This will erase all the efforts we put in.

I can never be part of it.

We are just dragging.

I am losing my stamina.

I have stretched myself to the maximum.

I can't seem to run towards you again.

I just need the courage to end all these.

I choose to walk away

You don't know what i want and you can't give what i want.

I choose to walk away...

My 27th birthday

Birthday cake from Belinda and Ian

Belinda, Ian, Dave and me dining in an Indian restaurant on my birthday

These were the presents/cards that I received for my 27th birthday.

Victoria’s Secret Pink-Body lotion, fragrance and lip gloss. MK, CJ, you guys really know what I like.

I still haven’t got over the dissolution of our fellowship. This will be continued on 23/11/08, I promise.

Beckham’s fragrance.

Belinda, thanks for the gift. Not to mention the birthday cake and dinner. It warmed my heart on that chilly night.

Birthday card and cute bear from Huey Voon and Tania

Huey Voon, you are one of those who will never forget my birthday. Your birthday greeting will always reach me no matter how far I am. Our 11 years friendship ‘ is not fake’. Lol

Tania, thanks for remembering my birthday correctly. Still remember, you ever sent a text to Fen , but the text accidentally sent to me instead, asking her when my birthday is. Lol All right! Don’t get mad! Hug Hug!

Your encouragement really makes me weep. You are one of those who will stand by me no matter what.

I also wanna thank those friends who ever sent a message or text to me. It means a lot.

I haven’t forgotten you, Dave. Lol

Thanks for the Liverpool cup. You always buy something which is out of my expectation. To be honest, I am not a Liverpool fan. I am just a fan of FIFA World Cup. However, I will cherish this cup as this is the present that you bought for me. You’ll never walk alone. I will always bear that in mind.

Also, thanks for arranging the London Eye. The view is not spectacular but the company made a different.

We might not be able to hold hands till the end of the days. I truly glad that you ever become part of my life.

Thank you to all of you.

It's a warmth and heartfelt birthday.

NEVER EVER!

I will never ever get over what happened last night. It’s a massive slap on my face. You have betrayed the trust that I have on you.

Make me stand in the coldness, drip the tears and wait for you are the best gift that you ever give me.

I will never ever forget what you have done.

NEVER!

Bitter differences

Feeling bitter.

Am i too demanding, or you are too opinionated.

The arguments really make me weary.

If we can't agree and compromise,

We'll never make it...

It's me NOT you

It’s time to leave all the sincerity, passion and genuineness behind. It won’t do me any good rather than leaving disillusion, sadness and heartbreak.

I don’t want to be a fool anymore. I won’t let you rule my minds, soul and heart again. I will extinguish the passion, affection and desire that ever lifted my spirit. All the feelings will be imprisoned and frozen indefinitely. I’ll be emotionless, impassive and sensible from now on.

Don’t you get assuming and invincible after tasting only a portion of the candy. You have no idea who your master is. Yeah, it’s me, who gives you the chance to taste the candy that you can only dream on.

I’ll show you how capable I am to mesmerise and infatuate someone based on the qualities I have.

I'll prove that i am the one who takes control and NOT YOU.

So long, farewell

The toughest, loneliest and saddest weekend ever in London!

MK and CJ finally bid farewell to London and back to Malaysia for good.

From the moment that I stepped into the flat after seeing them off, emptiness, sadness and loneliness started creeping in. The fear of being alone and left behind is so distinct which made me suffocated.

Why am I here? What am I doing here? I wouldn’t stop questioning myself. I should have gone back with them, leaving all the sadness, heartbreak and frustration behind.

I wanted to stop battling. The unsettled heart really drove me to the edge of the cliff. However, I need to grit my teeth to keep fighting. I need to make sure that I am going back home in one piece. I need to make sure that my beloved family and friends see the confident and brightest me back to their arms. Hence, I can’t be that selfish! I can’t just think of myself. They are so many people caring for me, eagerly waiting for me to get reunited. Just because of that, I will take very good care of myself. I will pick up the pieces bit by bit although some pieces are already lost somewhere…

I will be strong and tough for the time being. Please wait for me to come back.

Another 17 days to go….

A whisper to MK and CJ

You guys are the greatest companions despite the arguments and squabble. Sometimes, i didn't tell you my problems and worries. The presence of you guys solaced my unsettled heart. I know you guys are there. I wonder if i'll ever come here if two of you didn't.

It's really hard for the first two days. Chichele is not a home anymore. The new tenant seems to be an intruder to our house! Sorry! I can't stop having this thought. Lol

Do you still remember how excited we were when we first arrived. We were so naive and silly. A year here is really an unforgettable experience. We smiled, we cried and we laughed. It's something that shared exclusively among us. Only us!

It's a shame that we can't go back together. It's a shame that we can't mark a beautiful end to this fellowship with a lighter heart. However, we are from a blessed family. Grandmum will always watch us from heaven. We'll weather the storm.

Three cheers for MK, CJ and Feiyong

One cheers for our fellowship
Second cheers for our courage
Three cheers for our happiness

I'll see you guys fairly soon.

I'll be back in one piece. I promise...

我很好 I am fine

沙发上睡着　
孤单冷醒的破晓
冷的面条　
热的泪痕　
啤酒在苦笑

当时的煎熬　
当时的心痛如绞
天终于亮了　
遗憾终于退潮
终于能够恨不再疯
泪不再掉　
心不跑
一定会有一个人
一段新的美好

谁让我拥抱　
谁让我再一次心跳　
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲

谁让我拥抱
谁让我疯狂的心跳　
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒

丢掉电影票
删掉信件跟合照
洗了床单　
剪了头发　
清空了烦恼

恨可以很小
小到眼泪能冲掉
我 现在很好　
可以重新起跑

终于能够恨不再疯　
泪不再掉　
心不跑
一定会有一个人　
一段新的美好

谁让我拥抱
谁让我再一次心跳　
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲

谁让我拥抱　
谁让我疯狂的心跳　
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒

地铁涌出了人潮　
幸福涌出了预兆
我会找回当初对爱天真的霸道

谁让我拥抱　
谁让我再一次心跳　
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲

谁让我拥抱　
谁让我疯狂的心跳　
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8tlX2T-OKg

你一定要好，一定要很好！

You're fine as you always are!

A final attempt

I don't want to give up just like that.

I wanna clarify.

I wanna know if you mean it.

I wanna tell you how i feel.

I wanna know if you still care.

I wanna try one more time...